I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
where are my eyebrows?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
