Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
