I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
