Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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