May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
