I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
