you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
