i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
