I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
