We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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