It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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