So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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