You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
