I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your penis caused this!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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