I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
