then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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