I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
