I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
