It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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