We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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