We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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