I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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