his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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