You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize