Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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