I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
