bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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