so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
