please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
