12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
