there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
