I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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