I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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