I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize