Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize