my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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