Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
