Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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