Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
