Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
