I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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