Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Green mimosas i think yes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize