in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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