Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
