please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
