I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
