The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
