Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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