I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
