i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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