hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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