She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
