Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
