Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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