when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
