the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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