WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
