We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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