I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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