i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
