Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
