I can tuck mytits in my pants
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
