I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
