by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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