How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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