Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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