dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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